Ghryswald and I watched a lot of the Olympics coverage. We both like sports and we were pretty astounded by some of the performances. But we got to talking and decided that, if we ran the Olympics, we could make them much much better and far more entertaining. Following are a few examples of the improvements we would like to make to the sports.
Swimming – put a few sharks in the pool. Whoever swims fastest and escapes, wins the medals.
Pole vault – vaulters can choose one of three different walls over which to vault. Two are safe, but one has a nasty surprise on the other side.
Archery – The Lord Shoot. The lord of the castle has three arrow slits and he’s firing back at you. Whoever takes him out fastest wins or whoever is the last remaining alive.
Long jump – jumpers first have to clear a pit full of alligators and only then is the distance measured.
What improvements would you make?
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Make ‘em nakey.
New 100 and 200m sprints is a field of just two – Usain Bolt versus a cheetah
Cheetah might end up hungry.
I bet you Usain would break his record then.
The guy is a quitter! He always pulls up and stops running at the 98m mark, when he knows he has it won.
The Long Jumper – is actually a knitting competition; whoever knits the longest jumper in the pre-defined period of time is the winner.
The hurdles – should be electrified, to provide greater incentive to not touch them.
The horse (gymnastics, not equestrian) should be raised about 40 feet in the air, above a snake pit. Nobody is falling off that thing anymore. Oh ok then, the equestrian events too!
Diving – is reduced from a swimming pool to a paddling pool.
Wrestling – is now human vs. gorilla, with gorilla’s afforded the exact same r
Rhythmic gymnastics – will remain exactly as-is; they can’t possibly be made any more ridiculous.
And just generally, I agree – sharks should be introduced to all of the water-based sports. Couldn’t hurt to introduce them to a few of the land based activities too. I’d probably watch the charade that is the Olympics then (or possibly even compete!!).
I was thinking of hurdles that randomly and suddenly increased their height. I like the electrification idea too. Maybe they could be combined?
That’s a bit mean, especially if it’s mid-jump!
Double Fencing – competitors must fend of opponents with a sword whilst simultaneously disposing of stolen goods for cash,
Discus vs Trap shooting – self explanatory, really.
Triple Fencing – competitors must fend of opponents with a sword whilst simultaneously disposing of stolen goods for cash and building a white picket fence.
Quadruple fencing – what you said, plus the women’s volleyball team is competing adjacent to the fencing field, wearing what you said in post #1.
I don’t get it.
I think number four involves fencing with a meat dagger.
I still don’t get it.
Thanks H. I’m off to wash my eyeballs. Be back soon.
Firstly, the final standings in the Armchair Olympic Selector Game are in:
G S B
Ghryswald’s Gang 3 2 1
Beezkneez Battalion 2 3 0
Pronking Penguins 2 2 0
Broader details on that thread:
http://www.splaton.com/blog/2012/07/24/the-armchair-olympic-selector-game/
Improvement ideas…
Link the relay race to the lighting of the torch. Each team hands off a torch and at the end the fastest team gets to light the flame.
Introduce cage matches to the wrestling.
If this guy commentated everything – I would be far more interested
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=510_1344196881
Sounds like David O’Doherty. I like.
Ad-lib synchronised swimming where only one person knows the routine (or makes it up as they go along) and everyone else has to try and keep up and keep in time.
10 metre Bomb – biggest splash/volume of water ejected from the pool wins.
Unfair, the Germans have already got that one sorted.
Shot-put with a bomb – can’t take too long to take your shot, and no mistaking where it lands.
Bring back the old Olympic sport of tug-of-war, held over the afore-mentioned long jump pit
Cycling – tyre shredders pop up randomly and you have to get around them.
Wood Chopping – good ol’ fashion wood chop, like at the EKKA. Or your local country show.
I would actually watch that…
Me too. Used to love the wood chopping at the local shows when I was growing up.
you “wood” actually watch that :p
Light bulb!
Olympic DODGE BALL!
The marathon pub crawl – the usual 42km race, but they stop every km or so for a drink. Last one standing!
Boonie wins gold for Australia!
They should make it an actual crawl – The race starts hard but as the drinks flow the crawling becomes easier (if not totally necessary!)
Sharks for the swimming
But make sure that they all have
Frickin’ laser beams
For the road bike race
Baskets full of newspapers
Angry dogs give chase
For all race events
Traffic lights with amber lit
They make us go fast
Funny stuff to watch
Naked electric hurdles
A three-legged race?