I want to revisit something that came to my attention regarding THAT book. Now we’ve already covered the book’s quality a few weeks ago, so I’m going tangential (I know, so unlike me.).
I saw an article a couple of weeks ago around ‘mummy porn’ vs ‘daddy porn’ around which I wanted to centre this post, but now I can’t seem to find it. I found another from out west that seems even closer to what I was thinking, but because of that does take a little of my thunder. We’ll sit and wait while you read it. Go.
Done? Good. Finding this article (or the one like it that I now can’t find) happened shortly after I’d seen a mum casually sipping a coffee in a cafe, baby next to her, reading 50 Shades.
I saw an article a few weeks ago (Which again eludes me. This is why I try to write these things as they occur to me.) about how everyone over shares on social media to some extent, although females tend to over share with words and the males tend to over share with photos. Yes they are generalisations, and no it’s not all about dirty stuff, but when someone posts stuff on FB that their better half doesn’t want them to, or is just too much information about something it seems that, by and large, the gents are more visual and the ladies are more literary.
This same generalisation can be (for the sake of this post at least) applied to our respective tastes in adult content, which explains why interweb video ‘adult stuff’ repositories tend to be more often frequented by males and books like 50 Shades and similar are primarily the domain of females (and going by my friends some of the gay guys too, but let’s not spoil a good generalisation).
Having read enough extracts from 50 Shades, along with numerous other books that fall under the ‘romance’ category (I review what’s sent to me regardless), and having at various points witnessed some of the more visual offerings available from magazines and videos* I can say that apart from the form it takes (pictures vs words) the actual content is very similar. From what I’ve seen of 50 Shades, the quality of writing and plot are on about a par too.
Given the visual nature, I understand why it’s not really on for the fellas to thumb through their stuff in public (even if it’s just for the articles) but why is it still such a big deal to many when a man gets busted looking at some adult stuff on the internet in private whilst the mum mentioned earlier and many like her can freely indulge in public with society’s blessing?
Just to finish with something completely unrelated (apart from the name and a couple of racy bits) go check out The Darkest Shade of Grey by Alan Baxter which is a much better written piece of dark fiction which can be yours for the princely sum of bugger all.**
*This is not a blog about my habits in this department, so no assuming.
**I like handing out free plugs. Sue me.
The point you mentioned about visuals vs words is very much the only thing I can think of which is why some people are finding this book completely acceptable.
Key difference being one has very OBVIOUS visuals in which you can see what some women had for breakfast in many cases. The book is words with only an imagination to bring those visual to life, in a sense.
I’m absolutely NOT saying this make it right, just the only notable difference I can think of why many people think this book is “okay” to read.
I’ve come across some terrible quotes from the book which make me sick to my stomach, yuck! The book to me is very disturbing.
And this filth is going to be made into a movie. Needs a R+++++++++++++hardcore++++BDSM+++AnalFISTING++++Tampons+++grosshit++++++ rating.
Anyway here is Gilbert Gottfried reading some Fifty Shades of Grey…NSFW
Also I love these gorgeous ladies. 3 Golden Sisters on 50 Shades of Grey.
They also have a good laugh at the Kardashian sex tape.
Also a good idea to avoid watching at work. You know just what they talk about etc
The other thing is that 50 Shades is a book written by a woman. It’s a bit like Tasmanians being able to make Tasmanian jokes, or the Irish make Irish jokes. When anyone else tells them, they’re not politically correct. Because this book was written by a woman it’s seen as empowering women, not oppressing and demeaning them.
Thats a great point.
I think I was over the 50 Shades of Something Something Darkside about 5 minutes after I heard about it.
Then Pokeybun made a pun and oh, it was on…
So 50 Shades of Gravy started. Oh yes, I’ll be self-publishing that one.
And there are double standards at work here:
• You say erotica, I say porn…
• You say exploitation, I say empowerment…
But as you said, it does come down to the {ahem} visual. Women don’t run their arousal up the flagpole to see who salutes. So what I’d like to know is; has a man ever been kicked off the bus for reading the book because there was some “tentage” going on?
Now I’m wondering how Seth Green is going to write this one… :p
Seth Green
I think you mean Set MacFarlane, but yeah…
Yeah, I did mean McFarlane.
If you think pre-coffee porn is bad, try pre-coffee blogging.
Great post, Plucker – I too wonder about the level of hypocrisy involved.
Like Bubbles, I can see the argument that there’s a difference between “words inspiring imagination” versus “explicit visuals”. But, if it’s established that men are more visual creatures, then that’s the equivalent of saying that men are immoral simply on the basis that they’re men and therefore stimulated by things men like.
(Possibly there are some people out there who genuinely believe this, but dress it up in fluffier words.)
The other thing is that, the argument falls down if they make a movie of it. After all, if the argument against interweb videos with that the women are exploited bcause they accept money for performing, no doubt the actors in any 50 Shades movie will be accepting money for their work too.
Unfortunately there are – see certain feminists who-shout-the-loudest/feminist sites. There have been/are probably still some out there (like the late Andrea Dworkin, quoted in that article PP linked to in his post) who believe all men are rapists, sadly.
I think the saddest part of that attitude Seashells is that if one group is dimminished in the eyes of the other both lose out, by only seeing men as one dimensional monsters we lose sight of the complexity and amazingness of men. History and the oppression of women should be lesson enough to teach us that that does not end well.
We need both men and women to make this thing we’ve got going here (civilisation) work, it’s probably about time we started acting like it.
I wholeheartedly agree with you there Bec.
I could not care less about a man reading/ looking at pictures of scantily clad women in environments where there is little to no chance of kids seeing because that to me is the main point about the difference. Women or men with no clothes on as a visual image that I might catch a glimpse of at the local coffee shop is not going to bother me that much but it might annoy others and so I think its best left at home whereas a sexy book that has two adults standing in an embrace (for example) is going to be much less confronting for the general audience of the coffee shop and the “visuals” are all private. Your thoughts are your business, they can’t directly impact on me so I don’t much mind what they are.
I don’t have a problem with either type of porn to be frank as long as I don’t have to look at it if I don’t feel like it, especially before my first cup of coffee.
Pre-coffee porn doesn’t sound appealing.
So not working on a construction site hey?
I was doing an inspection at a mechanical workshop on a mine site, lifted the lid of a wheelie bin that was supposed to contain a oil spill kit to find a stack of porno mags. Boys will be boys! Not very useful in cleaning up an oil spill though.
Nonetheless, they have been used to clean up some kinds of spills.
Or to create spills…
I used to work in a small workplace where the loo was full of such magazines, spillages etc were the reason I used to wait till I got home to pee.
eewwwww
Indeed, the ability to hold it is handy when I’m on road trips or don’t want to miss any explosions in Batman though.
I don’t think I can add much more to this discussion than has already been said, other than thank you, PP, for Darkest Shade of Grey – in between breakfast & a meeting, it has consumed my morning thus far!
He’s got a couple more freebie e-stories (and a bunch of shorts) over on his website and a couple of great novels to date too if you like his stuff. I know I do.
I wonder if 50 Shades was secretly brought out to draw negative attention away from readers of the Twilight series?
Meh. There are people who haven’t ready anything without pictures since leaving high school. So long as they are actually reading, I’ll score them points. I would score them more points for reading Terry Pratchett, Robert A Heinlen, or Oscar Wilde. But those are my tastes.
So, what about an erotic graphic novel? Where do you draw the line (pun intended)?
It may need an HB rating….
HB, with a rubber on the end.
‘Without pictures’ was generalizing in terms of glossy magazines or newspapers.
Probably not because people keep harping on that it started life as fan fic.
Twilight readers were the primary demographic from my understanding as early versions had the Bella and Edward characters in them.
Whats the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
Can you make kinky cool by freezing the chicken?
I wonder if it has anything to do with impulse control?
So, PP, is this the article you mean?
I don’t usually read Albrechsten (mainly becasue I don’t read the Terrorgraph), but someone forgot to get my SMH for me one day and I was curious what all the furore was about. I think she makes some valid points, but I’m not sure I totally agree with her. Still, I found myself agreeing early on when she wrote:
“Many of these critics, educated in women’s studies courses to critically analyse every aspect of modern life, see no irony in their paternalistic reactions. Their sneering attitude towards “mummy porn” is yet another reminder that feminism lost its legitimacy when it started censoring, rather than supporting, the full range of women’s choices.”
and:
“Raging commercial success is a turn-off for many of the book’s critics. For them, only pretentious porn books such as The Sexual Life of Catherine M. and art-house porn movies such as Secretary are acceptable. Even these niche porn offerings must be entrusted only to enlightened students and trusted teachers of women’s studies.”
I think their is some truth in both those statements. I can also see where there will be alternate points of view on it and a lot of less than friendly argument.
*sigh* Why is feminism the most offensive “f” word these days?
Her points about women liking lots of different things (both sexually and otherwise) is fine, it’s undeniably true.
Her dismissal of the reaction some people have had to the book, in particular the negative reaction to aspects of the relationship that seem to be abusive rather than reflective of the tennants of S&M relationships which is as valid a reaction as open adoration of the “love” story, is doing the exact same thing that the “elitist” women’s studies women are supposedly doing.
This is just another attack on a group of women by a woman dressed up as a defence of women’s choices…. It’s fucking inception except without the music so I know when the nightmare is over.
Because, just like PETA, Greenpeace and a whole bunch of other organisations that started out with a real and valid purpose and good intent, the lunatics have, in many cases, taken over the asylum.
I have no problem whatsoever with feminism. I do have serious issues with some feminists. I wouldn’t be surprised if many feminists and even more women in general had the same issues. See Seahsell’s comment above for instance – all men are not rapists (although, way too many are; post forthcoming on that).
I’m interested on your thoughts about men and rape H. There was a very popular thread on Reddit recently about the story from the “other” side (ie not the victim). If you haven’t already I’d suggest taking a look at it, it is pretty damn awful and not comfortable reading but might provide a little context. I was thinking about writing a post on it myself but yours may provide a voice I cannot.
Unlike PETA and Greenpeace though feminism is not an organisation or single entity though and while extremists exist within the “movement” I don’t agree that they took over, I don’t even think that is possible. Perhaps because it is/ was so loose a collective of ideas and approaches it naturally allowed certain voices ring out and hurt its reputation.
Thought provoking point though.
Thanks Beccaann, found that link and it ties in with what I wanted to write about. Not a pleasant read.
The trouble is that radical (note: not related to terrorism) actions have produced some of the results.
I hate that feminism is seen as a dirty word, particularly by and for women.
The relationship, from the reviews I’ve read, is very unhealthy. When someone says no (especially sexually) and then you pursue the option they vetoed, that is abusive. And manipulative.
I have the same concerns about the emotionally abusive and unequal relationship in the Twilight books. It is not surprising the 50 Shades characters were modeled on them.
I agree Soph it was a word that once had positive connotations and it hurts when men or women use it to mean “evil nasty bitch” instead of empowered or desires equality.
I always assumed the creepy relationships in Twilight was all thanks to the author’s “good Mormon wife” routine.
Great post PP, and an interesting article.
Porn isn’t, by a long shot, the only area where this double standard exists. You see ads that demean men and no-one says a word. The women figure it’s payback for all the years that women lived in the kitchen in ads and the men have lost their balls. Other examples abound.
We (and I do mean we, not just men) shouldn’t put up with this. It’s wrong either way or it’s right either way, make your choice and fight for it but don’t say it’s right for one group and wrong for the other. There lies sexism, ageism, racism and most of the world’s other maladies.
Still, I’d advise you not to be surprised if this continues for a while yet PP. The pendulum still has a way to swing before it starts to return to (and, as always, overshoot) the centre.
__________________
Fifty Shades of Grey is still pretty crap writing though. But then, it seems that’s really not what it’s about.
Funnily enough, one of the best (and probably fairest) reviews I read for 50 Shades, which I completely forgot to link in here, said something like “It was the worst book I’d ever read but I couldn’t put it down.”
Plenty of ads and TV shows still demean women, perhaps not as overtly as some of the examples you have in mind regarding men Harles but it is still pervasive.
So what we have in front of us is not a future when only women (or advertisers aiming for their wallets) demean men or vice versa but landscape where everybody gets a bit of a raw deal and you are spot on that the work to stop it starts with us.
I have never read this book and am tremendously unlikely to do so in the future. As far as I see it, this woman has made a boat load of coin writing what the hoi polloi want to read. If I could do that I would.
99% of us don’t get paid to go home, we do it for money. Double standards abound and there is no getting around it. “Picture”, “Playboy”, internet porn and the like will always be titillating our senses, to the chagrin of our moral guardians.
OK. so women have found an acceptable way to indulge in public mental masturbation. So fucking what? Just check out the advertising industry for the past 100 years. When it comes to sex, some discrimination can be wrung out of anything.
There will never be equality. It is biological, emotional and just plain obvious. Good on her for making money out of sex that men have been doing for centuries.
There will be no more rapes or sex crimes as a result of this rubbish, just a whole bunch of girlies getting horny. Men will still do bad things to women and women will still be degraded.
Choose your path.
Ok. I went and saw Magic Mike with my posse of gf’s last night. I’m gonna shut right up. Mummy porn – I love you…
Yeah see this is the other thing in pop media at the moment. If it were female strippers there would be an uproar and men wouldn’t get together in groups to go watch it without some kind of backlash.
I’m not really fussed on Channing Tatum so I’m not climbing the walls for the opportunity to see the film.
Neither am I, but just like with this 50 Shades stuff, I admit to having a certain curiosity about going to see the film…not just because there are buff dudes strutting around, but I’m curious to find out if the film is as good or bad as people are saying it is.