Mrs H is away for a fortnight. Along with a close friend (and honorary family member) she has taken the grandsons on a holiday to Queensland. She has been away a week and a half and will return on Sunday. D2, hubby and son are living here so, strictly speaking, I haven’t been lonely. They have done much more of the cooking than me (tacit recognition of my cooking abilities, although the vegie pizza was a real success) as well so I haven’t actually had to fend for myself that much.
I have watched some DVDs that were lent to me (four series of The IT crowd) and made faster progress on A Song of Ice and Fire than I had previously. All nice, but I miss her. I have always hated her being away or me being away since we married, and I still do. Mrs H feels the same way. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I’m already maxed out on fondness; absence just makes me lonely.
I know some other people, including some Splatters, that feel this way and some that feel they need a break from their partner every so often. I guess if both partners feel the same way, then the break either makes both a bit sad, or both happy. I wonder what happens when one feels they need the break and the other hates it?
So, how do you feel about it? Do you like to be with your partner all the time or do you feel you need the occasional break?
This seems to be the witching hour for me.
Indeedy do H. I vote lonely.
Nicking off in the early hours to ride his bike while I sleep is great. (In-fact any thing in the early hours that doesn’t involve me is great.) Apart from that, it totally sucks.
Yeah, I’m not a morning person either, I’m with you on that.
There’s a difference between being together and being joined at the hip.
Couples should have their own things to do so they can have some alone time. It’s nice to ask if they want to go walk 10K with you, or if they need a hand with dinner prep, but it’s equally as nice to hear them say “nope.”
If you have your own hobbies and activities, you can go do them and not need to tell your partner that you need a break. Nothing sows seeds of doubt like wondering why you need a break from them, eh?
And absence? Yeah, about that. How about having an entire planet between you and someone you love? I was single & unattached when I was in the army. My hat is off to married soldiers who are deployed for months at a time.
Yes, we do lots of things together and do our own things as well, but it’s the extended absences I hate.
A planet or half a country, it’s still crap. Many of our separations were when I was in the USA for training, so I get the half a planet thing. I don’t know that it’s effectively any worse (you’re still separated for that long) but it feels worse. I think it’s the sense that you can’t just hop in the car and drive up there if it all became too much; you really are stuck for the duration regardless. You might not ever get in the car and drive up to meet, but knowing you could if you really wanted to seems to help.
Plus, your absence was somewhat longer because of the visa requirements etcetera. I am truly glad all that worked out OK for you and Pokey.
Still working on it, but it should all work out OK in the end.
There’s still paperwork and waiting to be done before it’s all settled.
As for the FOF, not much to report. It’s been a busy week at work and I’m heading off there now. I did get to watch the first episode of Game of Thrones last night. Bloody excellent.
Mrs H returns Sunday and I start two weeks holidays then. I’m looking forward to it, I really feel like I need the break at the moment.
That’s it from me until Monday, I hope you all have a good weekend.
You sound like you need a break recently.
Do you and Mrs H have plans or will it be kick back and relax at home holidays?
Kick back and relax at home mainly although I do have a room to de-mould and paint.
Definitely agree H. I’m fortunate that, although I do need to travel for work (Although I haven’t been on a plane since October. It’s been lovely but I think I owe RL some late library fines sorry!) happily it’s never for more than a couple of nights, and Skype via dodgy hotel internet is our friend. I tend to use it as a chance to catch any local Splatters and watch crappy movies Mrs P doesn’t want a bar of. I don’t think I could leave my overflowing house of cute volunarily for any longer than that.
As a FoF, my work project has kicked in after a Christmas break so it’s all hands on deck (and the driving reason behind my lack of posts). We went shopping last night with Mr and nearly Mrs Scoobs last night and bought LML’s flowergirl dress. I have photos but I suspect I’m forbidden from posting them just yet
Otherwise, not much to report except we’re finally starting swimming lessons for LML this Sunday. It’s going to be interesting but I’m really looking forward to it.
Question for the peanut gallery:
I know we’ve got some writers, at least one editor and a whole heap of avid readers amongst us. Following my recently published story* I’ve been given a mental boost to really get into my ever-growing notepad of ideas and start writing a lot more. I was wondering if anyone here was interested in starting a formal (but pretty casual) crit group? Failing that, is anyone a part of one that might accept a newbie?
*Shameless plug again brought to you by P.Plucker, 2012.
I’d be up for it…
I’m in : )
I’ll play as well.
I can be too.
I’m in.
W00T!
Just to be clear, this is not just a preorganised group hug over anything that gets written. I’m looking to put together a group that will compliament, correct and, if necessary, rip shit through any piece that gets presented to the group.
We should probably have a name too. I’m thinking “Splaton Crits You For…”
OK, now that you’ve explained what it is, I’m in.
Double w00tage!
Count me in.
I’m in
I’d be interested
Mr Coaster and I do everything together. Everything. All the time. It’s only been since I met the Splatters that I’ve started occassionally socialising on my own, but these days he is included in the bunch and comes along to most events. Since DJ arrived, I do sometimes feel like I need a break, but that’s more to do with having a break from the baby for an hour or two! Yesterday evening, for example, I drove across to Spotlight and bought a new scrapbooking tool. By the time I left the store, though, I missed my two boys and was ready to go home.
As far as one of us going away, it’s so hard. This year Mr Coaster is doing a university course which is “intensive delivery”, which means for 3 days every few weeks he’ll be going to class on the Gold Coast. It’s too far to drive there and back every day, so he’ll spend 2 nights at his grandparents’ house. It’s going to be tough, because I’ll miss him, and because I won’t have any back up with DJ (unless I beg Rave or my Mum to come rescue me
).
The bit I find hardest when Mr Coaster is away is late at night. I’ll be practically hermatically sealing the house and possibly sleeping with a light on.
Aww. That is sweet missy.
I am sure you will surprise yourself with how strong and capable you are. And I am sure you will ask for help if you need it.
What about visiting the grandparents too?
I don’t think so. Besides our zoo needin to be fed, I still haven’t forgiven them for how they behaved when Mr Coaster’s mum was ill.
Fair enough.
I will come rescue you~! <333
The only time I was with a girl long enough to call it a relationship, it was a long distance one. So we were never together often enough to want a break from each other.
I continue getting strong positive feedback from different managers at work. Its great!
This week I watched the remake of Fright Night. While I remember the original being much scarier, seeing David Tennant drop the F-bomb was interesting. Colin Farrell is better at creepy than scary.
I also started watching Being Human. While the premise looks like a formula for a bad sitcome, a vampire werewolf and ghost sharing an apartment, I am liking the show so far.
Oh, also watched The Thing remake of the remake. Again, the previous Kurt Russell version seemed scarier, still this one wasn’t bad.
Haven’t slept a night apart from the boy since we moved in together, which was over a year ago now. Before then the longest we were apart were 3 days at a time when he went on footy trips. We do our own socialising at times and hobbies – he goes cycling without me now, boys nights, girls nights etc. And then it’s always nice to come home to each other and gossip about the evening or whatever! Work asked him once if he wanted to go work overseas (SE Asia) for 12 months. Umm, no thanks. That’s too long, even with a visit to each other every few months. We both admit to getting bored when we are left home alone for one night, let alone 12 months of them!
My week at work has been pretty boring, we are still in the summer sitting break so there isn’t a hell of a lot going on. One of my best friends got formally engaged and there is a good chance I will miss her wedding cos we are in Europe. She is very limited with dates she can choose before they move overseas, so hopefully she can have it before we go away
Movies and middle eastern food tonight – yum! Getting ultrasounded tomorrow morning and am hoping for good results! Fingers crossed.
Good luck with the ultrasound xx
Ditto!
Thanks peeps!
I’m certainly not one for being joined at the hip. We each have our own interests and I think it works better for us to have some time apart. Having said that, we have never had to be apart for more than a few days when one or the other has had to travel for work or family reasons. Not sure how we would cope if we were separated by half a planet. For me the away time makes me appreciate the time we spend together and it also helps us not get too narky at each other! There are 5 couples in the lab I worked in back in Adelaide, and 3 of them were married. Not sure I could work with my partner like that, but they all found a way to make it work for them.
Feeling sad this morning – we found out on Monday that a work colleague had passed away and the funeral is today. We knew it was coming, but doesn’t make it any easier to accept as he was far too young
Big big hugs.
Sorry to hear your sad news! Splugs xx
Sorry to hear. It is always sad but devastating when the person is young too. Big hugs Arty. x
Thanks for the hugs, very much appreciated.
I like space from my partner but I don’t want to have to be away from him for extended periods of time. By space I mean the occasional evening when he’s off doing something with his friends, or some time on a Saturday or Sunday when I can have some time alone in the house. Until recently, I lived alone for 20 years and I am finding it *quite* a challenge adapting to someone else in “my” space. I think it’s going reasonably well so far and I’m *not* looking forward to him going back to the USA, especially as we probably won’t know how long he’ll be away.
I could not be in a relationship where I was the sole focus of my partner’s life, or me his. The most important part, yes, absolutely, but for me, some separate interests and hobbies are the sign of a healthy relationship. I also completely understand that there will be times when he wants to do things on his own, and I know he feels the same way about me. I trust him. I think having these separate things makes us appreciate each other all the more when we’re together.
Last weekend, we faced my biggest fear: we went to Ikea (love Ikea’s stuff but the shop itself gives me the screaming meemies). The trip was a success, so much so that we’re going back tonight and may even try the buffet
.
That’s gonna be some FINE eatins, I tell you whut!
Apparently Swedish meatballs are the bomb.*
*I have not sampled them, I have only been told by several people.
And now I am thinking there is a geek quote I need to put in here. Damn half remembering.
Bork bork bork!
Hells yes. Plus all their dessert cakes (although oddly 2 dimensional) are awesome.
When I was with my ex, we spent all our time together. Though I was living with my parents and he never officially moved in, he slept at my place every night. We were together A LOT. And yet we often didn’t speak or spend quality time together. On the weekends he’d jump on his computer to play WoW. I used to play, but I’d get bored after a couple of hours, and watch a movie or read a book, possibly for 5 or 6 hours before he’d finally get off the computer to spend time with me. And then an hour later he’d be back on. At the time I didn’t realise how much it bothered me.
Mr Nerd and I spend all weekends together, and normally see each other once during the week. I miss him even if I know I’m seeing him a day later. I store up things to tell him. He tends to be the complete opposite of my ex, feeling guilty if he sits down to play a game for an hour or so. But while I enjoy spending time with him and think quality time is important, I think a couple also needs to be comfortable doing their own thing in each other’s company. I don’t want to have to go home just because he wants to play a game for an hour. And I’m happy sitting next to him reading a book – as long as the game is not the day’s main activity!
Mr Nerd is an only child and is very used to having his own space and spending time on his own, whereas I enjoy the company of other people, even if I’m just sitting in a room with them. I try to be aware of that, and give him time to himself, but I find it difficult sometimes. I enjoy just hanging out with him. I like being about to have a two minute conversation, then go back to what we were doing.
More than anything, I am so so SO thankful that Mr Nerd did not end up having to go overseas with his old job while we were together. At such an early time in our relationship, I don’t think we could have coped. Especially as a regular thing, not a one off trip.
The man and I don’t do very well apart from each other. We’re ok for maybe one day, two at max, but after that it gets very hard. We’ve spent so much time together over the past four and a half years that being apart doesn’t make sense to us anymore. Yet even when we’re together we do have alone time as well, even if it’s just me in the bedroom reading while he plays games in the living room. We also have our own little outings that we can do without each other. I guess we just like to be together so much because due to our work schedules we don’t tend to see each other very much, so really value it when we do.
In other news, I’m moving papers! Found out on Wednesday that I’m transferring from Penrith to Parramatta. I start on February 1, so not too far away! It’s a bit daunting going to a new place after four years here, but it should be pretty good. I’ve spoken to the editor, and he tells me I’ll be doing sport (bwahahahahaha) and council. So yeah, that’ll be interesting. Could limit my time to do anything fun on here during the day, but we’ll see what happens after the move.
Congrats on the transfer Rydell! I am sure that it will afford you several more opportunities and experiences (even if it is sport for a bit!).
So good you and Mr R can appreciate each other *because* of the time apart.
Wouldn’t like to be chained at the hip with my partner, if I had one. I like having my own space – nay, I need my own space from time to time (introvert here) – and having a partner who wanted to be with me all the time might have me running for the hills.
Like Pokey, I couldn’t be in a relationship where I’m the sole focus of his life, or he mine. I just don’t think it’s healthy – my paternal grandparents were like that, but from the stories I’ve heard, it seemed rather stifling & I think my grandfather was a bit on the controlling side too.
Any partner of mine would have to have some separate interests or hobbies of his own….and if I happen to enjoy those hobbies of his too, then I would find something separate instead. I think having that time for yourself will make you appreciate the time you do have with your partner and I see nothing wrong with it. On the flipside, I wouldn’t want to be separated from my guy all the time though!
Haven’t got anything to report about the week and my weekend won’t be eventful either. Spending Saturday night home alone since my parents will be up the coast for my mum’s friend’s 50th birthday. It’s a wonderful thing that this friend has made it this far given that she has a rare & ultimately terminal form of liver cancer and has almost shuffled off this mortal coil at least once.
Have a good one Splatfolks!
The boy and I are both the eldest of the kids in our respective families. So both are stubborn, independent and somewhat opinionated.
Our favourite thing to do over the weekend is to work on our separate projects and take breaks for coffee and troubleshooting.
I would not be with someone who wanted to spend every waking minute with me or was stifling. I’ve seen couples like that and they don’t last very long.
I do agree that absence does make the heart grow fonder but also absence can be a repreive when someone is driving you nuts
This weekend I need to finish a pair of trousers, trace a few patterns (realised that I need tops), meet a friend for coffee, hit darn cheap fabrics (glen huntly), a model store in box hill, work on my course, prepare for a few interviews and go to Chinese new year dinner @ mum’s Sunday night.
Melx
I can relate to that, same here. Luckily we are also both fairly easy-going, and Mr R’s patience has rubbed off on me.
We can be joined-at-the-hip, have no problems being together 24/7, especially when we travel (which is when many people experience frustrations they don’t at home). Even at home, quite often he will be doing his thing, I’ll be doing mine, and we’ll come together for meals or a cuppa & a chat. Occasionally he will go out, or I will, but most of the (non-work) time we are together. I think we work together well too, as we are not both trying to do the exact same thing, but different parts – we have complementary knowledge & skill sets. But as has been mentioned, having our own ‘thing’ is important, even if we are doing our individual ‘thing’ in the presence of the other.
As for absence… neither of us like it, I think the longest has been just over a week apart at a time, in over 20 years. But we cope with it, and make the most of the time alone (at least I do anyway), and we talk every night, even if for just a couple of minutes. In the past it has always been a business trip for Mr R, so it if is likely to be longer than a week, I usually tag along – and often shorter trips if there’s another reason for me to go to that destination. Fortunately the circumstances to date have allowed that without causing problems or interfering with his work, so it has worked out well.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it’s the Bloodhound Gang who has a song called “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”
Ditto.
That’s pretty much how D and I work, at least on weekends where we’re not cleaning frantically.
For the first 12-18 months when Smoph and I started dating, we only saw each other on weekends, because I was stuck in Albury during the week.
I missed her terribly – whilst I’m an introvert, I don’t do isolation very well. So I’ve really enjoyed being back in Melbourne and living with her.
We’ve had to spend a couple of nights apart here and there, and we do miss each other so, yes, I’d say we’re a joined-at-the-hip couple.
But we do spend time apart and we are ok with that.
Sometimes I go out with my girlfriends and sometimes you see other friends too.
Happy FOF Day, splatmates!
Well – as most of you know – back on with bloke. Sorting thru stuff. His kids now have daily chores to do – yay. And we will work together on the ‘how they treat the girls and I’ thing.
Re the absence thng – don’t really get a lot of choice with this one. Bloke works in a specialised field and as such has to travel around the country and occasionally OS to do his job. He has worked it mostly up until now around his kids, but has finally realised that its tough on a relationship. So he consults with me before he commits to a project now which is nice, and a big step. He was most recently working a couple of hours away, and after we had a few issues with the lack of time he was putting into us, he started to come home for one night mid-week, as he was working saturdays as well. So he started cutting that back to every other saturday.
I like my own space. I NEED my own space. However the difference is I like it when I get to choose it. I HATE it being imposed upon me. Especially if I have something on my mind.
Did a long distance relationship for nearly a year once. We wrote letters daily, rang every second or so day. Man it was hard.
Bloke and I don’t live together – we both have our separate homes mostly because of our kids. We live in different areas and neither of us want to move our kids from their friends and schools. But we are only about an hour away from each other so we make it work. We often talk about living together, but can’t realistically see it happen just yet.
The one thing he is finding novel was previously he was never encouraged to do much with his own friends – whereas I am the dead opposite. Everyone needs their own people. I talk to him about my besties, my splatmates, my school mum mates, my guy friends. Guess our days of living together will come eventually, but for now we make it work.
My boy was the same, he used to ask my permission to go out with the boys because his ex always used to have a go at him or send angry text messages the whole time he was out. Some of his friends have similar girlfriends. I don’t get women like this, so controlling. If a man did that to a woman people would be up in arms.
It is a bit sad.
I’m the pathetic “When are you coming home?” type because I miss him. :/
Me, too
Great post H.
As the veteran of a couple of long distance relationships, I think absence just makes it hard. On everyone, on your heart, on your hippocket. But if you love someone, it’s ok for a time.
I am someone who needs quality time with their partner. Talking, doing things together. As AL said, we are a joined at the hip couple, but I think I need time with my girls sometimes. I had one with my cousin last night and I really needed the talk and a bottle (or two) of wine. And I learned something that makes me really sad, and then that I was a pathetic friend for not picking up on it sooner.
To FOF, I want to crawl into a hole today. Al and I will have a quiet one thankfully. Time to get our lives back into order. Hope you all have a good one. x
Which is precisely why I’m on perpetual standby.
You slipped that one in the middle of an otherwise pretty normal post!
I can say almost unequivocally that you are not a pathetic friend for not noticing something sooner, so please don’t beat yourself up about it, many factors contribute to how soon you find about something and some of them probably have nothing to do with you. Forgive yourself and just love them as hard as you can.
The loving part l will definitely be doing. It’s just hard when you know that you misjudged. Or didn’t realise how bad the situation was.
I’ve been angry with people who ignore their loved one’s obvious suffering. But I am guilty of it.
Hugs, people who ignore obvious suffering are not the type of person I try to be either, life has a habit of getting in the road of good intentions sometimes.
Hijak
The FBI has shut down Megaupload.com for piracy and indicted and even arrested arrested some of the founders.
In response, 15 minutes later Anonymous took down the websites for the US Dept of Justice and Universal Music Group.
http://www.news.com.au/technology/fbi-shuts-down-megauploadcom-charges-seven-with-online-piracy/story-e6frfro0-1226249114650
Welcome to World War 3: Online.
Im going to roll a Night Elf.
It is interesting to see it all unfold, the internet is a dangerous place to make big enemies and unfortunately by the time the law and solicitors catch up with the “bad guys” it’s usually already too late for your revenue stream…
I’m usually pro free market but in all honesty someone needs to force the hand of the distribution companies who push prices up (especially in Australia) and who refuse to acknowledge that it is is ridiculous to ask people to pay extra to access the same content in different mediums.
You say that like the solicitors are the “good guys”…
To address the point you raise about solicitors, we fall back on their services when we think that we have been wronged and need to fight so yeah they count as good guys at times. Solicitors fight good fights too, you can’t deny that.
Companies who use their power (through bribery, lobbying and using their monopoly to change how all the players behave) to make new restrictive laws happen are the good guys in the sense that they work within the current laws for the best outcome for them and no one else. Does that make them the actual good guys? No it doesn’t but it does make them great leaders from the shareholders perspective.
Should we be expecting any arrows to the knees?
Pseudo and I used to spend all our time together (pretty much). When we weren’t living together, I still saw him every day. I STILL see him almost every day but that’s only because of dancings.
I have been seeing someone new for a couple of weeks… Let’s call him Doc. I’m not used to seeing someone only once a week or so and not talking on the phone every day. It’s nice though because it means I can go one-armed dancing or whatever, Doc can do as he pleases and then we have lots to talk about next time we see each other.
He did get brownie points yesterday for checking up on me after my surgery. We’ll see
Things that make me happy:
- beach dates of awesome
- twilight sedation
- deluxe fries from 24 hour Pancake Parlour
- having no wire in my wrist!
I need my own space, increasingly so as I get older. In my longest relationship we were rarely apart for more than a night, we both preferred it that way.
FOF – having paddle pop cocktails at a friends place tonight and probably heading to Mandurah on sunday for some sun and relaxing.
Glad you are enjoying GoT harles, it’s an incredible book series and a really true to the spirit TV adaptation.
Hugs to all who need a little pick me up this weekend.
Mmm I was thinking of your paddle pop cocktails the other day. I need the recipe again, perhaps I will celebrate my birthday with some…
Here it is (This is the amount for two large cocktails or 4 small ones):
* 3 Rainbow Paddle Pops (add these to taste I prefer 3 but the original recipe calls for 2)
* 2 shots of Butterscotch Schnapps
* 2 shots of Cognac and Walnut liqueur (I have only ever been able to get this from http://www.flaschengeist.com.au/, but other places may stock it)
* 400 – 500ml milk (again to taste, depends how alcohol-y you want it)
Pro tip – if you use semi frozen paddle pops (ie take them out of the freezer and stand them unwrapped in a cup for about ten minutes before you make the cocktail) you can usually get away with using a whisk or a good hard shake in a normal cocktail shaker to combine the ingredients. If you are working with colder paddle pops I would recommend using a knife to cut the paddle pop off the stick and putting it in a food processor to blitz it all together or otherwise you end up with chunks, this method is best if you are making a jug of Paddle Pop cocktail rather than enough for 2.
If you are doing it for a party I recommend getting decorating the rims with jelly crystals or cute colourful unbrellas because the colour of the paddle pop cocktail is very underwhelming (like a dark cream colour). I use “old fashioned” glasses to serve mine but they work just as well in old school champagne saucers.
I was woken up for the second time this week with a phone call asking me to come in to a job interview on the same day. This one looks quite promising that I might be starting on monday off to the interview now and I guess I will find out this afternoon. YAY!
fingers crossed!
One of us is usually home with Mr Chops. The friends we have made here are parents of friends the girls have made. We rarely go out, since she rarely drinks and I never do.
Hijack
Mr Chops is walking properly. He hasn’t stood up unaided yet, but that is next. He walks confidently between people and furniture, has been known to stand freely while using both hands to inspect an object.
How old is he now?
1day older than LML, I believe
As was predicted
Walking skills have progressed quite
Exponentially
Now he knows he can
Last hurdle was in his mind
Look the fnurk out now
It’s the difference between having them around all the time and having them in your business all the time; I love the former, but the latter makes me antsy as all get-out. Particularly because both D and I have projects of our own to work on that require quiet and solitude and concentration.
Having said that, I miss him when we haven’t gotten to have lunch together; I doubt I’d survive in a mythical future where either or us needed to go on business trips without the other.
I have a job!!!!!!!!!!
That is all.
Super like! Congratulations
Yay, congratulations!
Awesome news! Congrats xxx
Congratulations~!!! ^___^ That’s such a good feeling.
Woo hoo!
Alexkj – sometimes I long for the joined at the hip, always warms the heart to see people in love
PP – other side of he same coin. It’s a little like that pink song, go away come back, go away come back
I’d be up for the writers group as well though haven’t written much, so please be gentle.
Melx
[...] week or so ago I posted a random hijack (As I do) about starting a formal writing crit [...]